Me First

7 September 2003

I was riding around with my worst friend.
It was the seventh of September; the day that I surrendered.
Now fifteen more ’til my birthday.
And he was talking about a girl that he’d just met.
What was her name? I can’t remember.
Oh, but man she was a mover.
You should have seen the way she danced.
Oh baby, please don’t leave me here with these awful people,
I fear, may help me become a man I will regret.
And they say when you finally lose your love,
It’s gone but you never forget.
Well, my cup it runneth over with dyin’ dreams and losing bets.
And if every man’s an island and you just don’t look back,
Oh, the stories they say we’ll tell.
Well, I tell too many stories, so I guess it’s just as well.
Oh, keep that bad news to yourself, yeah, save it for someone else.
Yeah, baby, I do believe I’ll never see your face again.
Oh baby, I got somethin’ to tell you.
These awful people don’t know me as well as you do.
I’ll save my good side for you.
And on the last night of summer and I got you alone,
We talked until dawn then I walked you home.
And I said baby, there’s someone out there for you,
And maybe he’s saved his best side for you.

Greetings in Braille

If my senses fail,
Stay with me ’til they do ’cause I don’t want to be alone.
Greetings in braille,
They’ll describe everything, colors aren’t everything.
And if you see me, down at the liquor store, please don’t tell my dad.
And if you see my dad, down at the liquor store, please don’t tell me anything at all.
And the people you brought are just drainpipes bringing trash to the ground.
And the memories are just picture cards, one night stands and breakdowns.
And you were cold, tired and old as you’d ever looked that night.
And we warned, yeah.
We were warned not to stay out too late.
But some things were worth getting in trouble for.
So now that you finally failed,
Just like you said you would, down to the last detail.
Well, if living’s such hell,
Here’s to your dying days, you won’t have to be afraid?
And the heroes you met were just fiction,
Yeah, with high expectations.
And your friends grew up faster than you got successful,
Told you to keep it up: good comes to those who work.
And the stories they told you were true, babe.
Your mom really went crazy.
But that doesn’t have to be you. No.
And I miss Tara and Melissa, Allen and John.
And you’ll never have friends like you did when you were young.
But our bodies were pulled away and swept out of the sea,
And I’d call and say hi if I thought you’d remember me,
‘Cause some things are worth leaving old memories for.
If my senses fail, stay with me ’til they do ’cause I don’t want to be alone
Greetings in braille should describe everything,
‘Cause you can’t see anything from here.
From here, you can’t see nothing at all.

My Baby’s A Dick

You got your chin pointed down.
Yeah, you look at the ground when you talk.
And I’m listening babe but you think I’m not.
And this is taking too long,
And when you’re gone I don’t think I’ll miss you.
But something in me, won’t forgive you.
And girl, you’ve got some explaining to do.
‘Cause it seems that you miss me now that we’re through.
I’ve got this problem,
And it never sleeps even when I do.
And I’m glad that you miss me now that we’re through.
And it’s late in the game.
You got to improve.
And I’m starting to miss you now that we’re through.
And you wait for the day to come and make use of all this time,
And your empty life.
And it’s hot where you live and you hide from it,
And all the things you did and the lie you hid.
You.
You can run, run, run.
But I’ll be running next to you.

A Time For Emily

Well, you’ve seen all that you came for.
It didn’t help you at all.
Watch as I break rank and dissolve.
Emily, why don’t you miss me?
You hung around for so long,
But I got no friends and you got no resolve.
Was it so long ago?
You asked me to stay behind.
You said I didn’t care at all.
Was it so long ago?
I asked you to stay beside me all through the years.
The death of this mess finally came around with no relief this year.
Congratulations you just fucking disappeared.

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

Do you think you could?
I wish you would,
Take me with you.
‘Cause I’ve been good.
I stayed well-dressed and kept my big mouth shut.
And all the nights we shared, they never went nowhere.
But they must have meant something.
Well, I had my share.
But now you’ve left with all the lunatics up there.
And on the way you’ll stop on by and say the words that make you cry,
Like I could never mean a thing to you.
And if it’s true, then let me die.
whistle
‘Cause I’m right here babe.
I got a plan to put an end to all your fears.
And on the way I’ll stop on by and show you what I got in my heart,
You know I never lost my nerve.
And if you change your mind in time,
I’ll make it clear that I’m still here.
It seems as though I’m never gonna learn.
I’ll just keep hoping that it’s my turn.

Waves

Waves roll on by. Waves roll on by.
Waves roll on by. Waves roll on by.
Life, pass on by. Life, pass on by.
By the time you try, you go and die.
And the wind is at our backs.
No need to hurry back.
Just stay on the track, keeping the wind at our backs.
You’re only worth one wish that you’ll probably never make.
You’re just making the least, babe, of the time that you’re awake.
You can see the trouble before it comes.
Why don’t you just go and cast it out?
But you’ve always been hard.
Well, I’ve always been had.
Yeah, I’ve always been had.
Yes, I’ve always been had.
Maybe it’s not so bad.
I just know when puddles form I don’t stay inside and let it pour.
There’s better forecasts for me.
And I’ll let the rain roll off my back.
And if you’ve always been sad, maybe it’s not so bad.
And years amount to bank accounts and all is well on all accounts.
And finally they set you free, yeah, all expenses paid.
You never had a chance, they always taught you bad.
The only life you had was the one you made.
You’re only worth one wish that you’ll probably never make.
You only get one chance that you know you’ll never take.
And the dream that’s in your heart and how it sleeps when you’re awake.
You never lived a day,
But you swear by your mother’s grave,
Like you swore this time you’d stay.
You’re making the most of the time that you’re awake.

The Miles ‘Til Home


You finally chased the rest of them away.
You finally chased the rest of them away.
You finally chased the rest of them away.
You finally chased the rest of them away.
And the weak ones were the ones that stayed.
And the place they before you came
Changed but they acted just the same.
And the names that carried so much faith
Drained your tired mind.
And the best one stayed behind,
Watching out for open road,
Counting all the miles ‘til home.
And it seems you leaned on the wrong guy.
And it hurt the place you…
Held, you held within your heart.
It got erased and where it was has now gone dark.
So you left. You left without a trace.
And you never, no you never, no you never, no you never came back.
‘Til the last ones forgot your name.
Don’t change your mind tonight.
Caught along the open road,
Counting all the miles ‘til home, and if it seems you dreamed on the wrong sky.
You gave your last request to a firing line and you said
It doesn’t matter what you do, babe.
You always feel it chasin’ you and it blocks the sun from the sky.
You just wish you had more time.
You say you never win. I say that’s a lie.

Go On


Well, did you do something for yourself, Mom ?
And get the hell out of the house.
Well, would you do something for your son, Mom?
And stop taking all these pills.
‘Cause it’s cold in December and there’s no reason to stay in,
And I want to see you when you’re on the deck of that ship.
Yeah, you’re sailing away and the sun looks right on your face.
Without a reason to believe in something, you can do most anything.
Well, that’s what you told me someplace, but I can’t remember when.
It was a long time ago, maybe the first day of school or going to visit Dad.
I was scared but you told me I’d come home if I wanted.
I was only nine but I went.
So, go on and make your families proud.
Just like you always do,
Just like they want you to.
My old girlfriend’s studying medicine.
Would you save my life if I got sick?
Haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?
Of course if you had the right insurance for it.
And I think if we got back together again, you know,
Give it a run, you know, you were my first love.
You’re very drunk and we were very young,
Plus I’m going to see this guy and it might be love.
Yeah, I think he might be the one.
If you get married, can I come?
I gotta see this!
Well, go on and dig your holes in this ground.
Yeah, go on and lay your tired bodies down.
Just like you’re going to, just like they expect you to.
And I’ve been thinking of moving away.
Now that we’ve had this talk, I definitely may.
Well, now go on and break your work and it’ll break me down.
And I’ll go on and I’ll break every last thing in this house.
Just like I’m going to, just like you expect me to.
Now go on and make your family proud.
Now go on and stake your claim to this ground.
Now go on and take that last dream down,
And I’ll get you through.
What did they put you through?

C’Mon Mom


C’mon, mom.
I’m so scared.
All the things you told me are coming true.
C’mon, mom.
I’m too young to feel this tired.
Sorry you ran out of money so soon.
And drifting on the open sea won’t get you there this time.
C’mon, friends.
Let’s make those repairs.
It’s your heart that’s broken, not your legs.
And there’s a fight to get into somewhere.
It’s cool inside.
A friendly place to hide.
And it’s a bad rain today so let’s try not to speak of old times.
And it’s a long shot but I’m looking for the good.
Just like you told me to do but I’m told it takes practice to improve.
You’re a fucking liar and I’m leaving.
And you can keep all the friends that you made through me.
I’m lying too, I can’t leave home alone.
I’d rather cut all these losses and not take another bet for a bright new fucking day.
Let’s shout from on high, we’re still failing.
We still got more regrets than mistakes.
It takes focus at this level of failing.
But at least your friends can relate.
So write or call or just think of us from time to time.
I’ll still be drifting.
But he was so gifted.
Fair enough.

A Response to Greed


At first it seems like a bad dream,
And you can’t claw your way out.
And the plea that you make so you could escape
Isn’t answered but you’ll figure it out.
And all of the nightmares you based your life all around are now coming true,
And it’s love or it’s need, your response to greed.
Find a reason, count yourself out.
And in the bed where you lay or you’ll drink it away.
Anyway, to just draw this thing out.
And that’s just the trouble with long term goals and dreams.
They’re always being revised.
But my sister still cuts her arms and my brother’s still at the garage.
And we’ve given all that we can mom and it’s either sink or swim.
Ad it’s high time everyone else stopped paddling for them.
And it’s a song, a song for the tired ones,
A song for the sick ones, a song for you.
And it’s a song, a song for the scared ones,
The scared of this lifeones, just like me and you.
And if the call, the call to the fight, comes.
Just call and I might run, right back to you.
‘Cause I remember, yeah and I measure, I measure them all.
All against you.
That’s right all against you.

Don’t Blow It


Someone out there loves you.
You know who you are.
Someone out there’s waiting for you,
‘Cause you’re a shining star.
And when the right time comes,
You’re gonna break their heart.
So when the right time comes,
Don’t blow it,
Don’t throw it away.
And I’m that voice you’re hearing in the dark,
The one that knows your name.
And I’m that choice you’re making with your heart,
And I’ll take all the blame.
So when the right time comes,
Don’t throw it away.
Yeah, when the right time comes,
You’ll know it.
When the right time comes,
You’ll know it.
When the right time comes,
Don’t blow it and break your heart.
So don’t blow it…

British Columbia

She says she’s going back home,
Hasn’t seen her friends in a while.
Plus British Columbia’s real nice this time of year.
And when she gets there
She says that she’ll phone.
May take a day or so.
It always takes longer than you think it will to settle in.
And she says:
So if I leave on that plane,
Remember me by our good days.
And you don’t have to but I’m going to wait.
There’s something wrong with the dog,
She can’t stop eating on herself.
And the scabs that are under her fur
Mean that I’ve been away too long.
And I should really give her away
To a good heart, in a better place.
I’m going to miss you when you go.
You’ll do better than this home.
Someone to take you on walks,
Show you off.
Before it’s too late,
At best you’ll be blind and gray,
A warm climate for your last days;
Should have never let her go,
But you were always better alone.
Some people never learn until it’s too late.

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